The Houston's Home: Postpartum

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Postpartum

I hate to say it, but again I have some sort of postpartum depression. I'm amazed I'm even mentioning it on my blog. I guess I don't want to pretend everything is perfect when it isn't. It's very easy to pretend everything is fine, but don't you hate thinking someone else is perfect? Well, now just in case anyone had any doubts- I am not anywhere near perfect. I've had this problem with each of my kids. With Claire it lasted the longest- I think because she had colic. Anyway, I'm not so bad I just feel sad a lot. It's the weirdest thing for me. I can remember feeling happy a few weeks ago, and now I'm sad. I try my hardest to be happy for my kids. I mean I have to get up and get them breakfast and Claire to school. I'm glad I am busier because then I don't focus on it, but it is so frustrating not to feel just happy on my own, when "normally" I am fine. It kind of hit me this time too. I felt fine for two days after Vivi was born and then the third day I woke up from a nap and I just felt completely opposite. Weird weird weird hormones. I don't think my kids know anything is wrong (I hope not). I'm glad to for all of the help I've gotten these past two weeks. All of the food has been wonderful and my mom has helped getting Claire to school and helped with house chores. I couldn't ask for a better mom. I just hope I can be a great mom too. I think my depression is partly anxiety based. I don't know when it happened, but I worry way too much about things. Anyway, I am technically fine, just trying to work through this and be the best I can be. It wouldn't hurt either if I could just fit back into my regular clothes- I hate my maternity clothes- but dang it I still look like I'm 3 or 4 months pregnant- ugh!

4 comments:

LivAugust 22, 2009 at 6:57 PM
Hang in there Liz. You'll be feeling like the wonderful and amazing and happy self in no time! One breath at a time and those hormones will start to right themselves before you know it. If it helps, I thought you looked absolutely beautiful in the pictures taken after Vivi was born--who cares if you've still got a little extra weight? You're still gorgeous.
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LindsayAugust 22, 2009 at 10:07 PM
Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry that this has been so tough on you. I can only imagine how hard this must be with so much going on. I'm glad you have supportive family nearby to help you through this. I wish I could help in some way. I hope you can feel our prayers coming your way. Thanks for being willing to talk about it, so many women encounter that same obstacle and are afraid to talk about it. The August Ensign had a big article on it with some great tips. Vivian is beautiful and contrary to what you think, you look amazing. You are an incredible woman and I know you will get through this. I miss you.
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KatrinaAugust 24, 2009 at 8:08 AM
Congratulations on you baby girl! She is beautiful. It makes me excited for our baby girl coming in a couple of months.

I am really sorry to hear about your post-partum. I know you had talked about it a little in the past, but let me just say thank you for being willing to share that everything is not perfect. You have a great family and help and I know you'll get through it. Those first couple of months after the baby comes are not my favorite either - crazy hormones and lack of sleep do not put you on your best. Hang in there.
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The Smith FamilyAugust 25, 2009 at 4:08 PM
Thank you for being so open about your postpartum depression. I talk about my experience with as many moms as possible, so they know they are not alone. At least this time your mom is basically just around the corner to help out in any way she can. I hope you start feeling better real soon. Love you!
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Out Of The Mouth of My Kids

On Easter this year Will had his easter basket full of the little plastic eggs when he accidentally tripped and dropped his basket. When he dropped his basket the plastic egss broke open to reveal the candy inside. Will, in the most excited voice I've ever heard him use said "The eggs open!!!!!!" He couldn't believe there was candy inside- it was the coolest thing to him!
(Easter 2009)

I asked Will one day where the new baby was going to sleep. He said: " in a cage". I guess we now know what he thought of his crib.
(Winter 2009)

I was playing with Will one day. He was pretending to be a robot, so I decided to be a robot too, but he said:
"no you can't be a robot you are a princess"
I said:
"what do princesses do?"
He said:
"they just dance"
(Winter 2009)

We drove by a horse pasture the other day and Claire said:
"I really want a horse. If you don't get me a horse mom I will fire you... ... I mean I will fire Daddy!"
(Winter 2009)

We were talking about where we should go out for dinner one night and Shawn mentioned a new Terriakyi Sushi place. Claire got very excited and said, "Yes! Sushi! Shushi! Please! Please! Please! I love Sushi!" We soon found out she meant a Slushee (like a fruit drink) not Sushi. She does not like Sushi.

Claire: "Mom, I can't make my bed. Will is making me have too much fun." (July 2008)

Will's newest fixation is robots. Yes, we saw WALLE, and that's about when it started. Will can't quite say ROBOT though, so he says "Beebot" instead. It took us awhile to figure out what he meant, but now it's very cute - beebot! (Summer 2008)

William at age 2 still doesn't say too much, but some times he gets on a kick and repeats things over and over, and recently he has found bird poo very interesting. I don't know why, but when we go on walks lately he stops at every white spot on the side walk and says "bird poo- ewwww yuck" this happens over and over and over and over on our walks. I never realized there was so much bird poo in the world! (Summer 2008)

I recently walked in on Claire singing a song she made up to her brother. This is a rare occurance, so I thought I'd better write it here to remember that even though they fight they still love each other. Here is the gist of the song imagine in a very high drawn out soprano:
"I love youuuuuuuuu. You are my frieeeeend because you love to play with meeeeeee and you love to go outside with meeee. I love YOUUUUUU!"
She repeated this over and over and Will just sat there listening seeming to know the song was just for him. I will have to show her this when she is mad at her brother for playing with her "stuff". (Summer 2008)

Claire: "Mom, when I stretch my nose up my nostrils look like bunny ears." (Spring 2008)

Claire had a cough one morning. When she woke up she said:
"My voice is crooked" (Winter 2008)

Claire toes aren't just toes. They are "Weeny Toes" because they are so small compared to everything else. (Winter 2008)

Claire: "Mom, don't step on the cracks or you will get boy slime." (Spring 2008)

Claire (in disgust after we had a carpenter ant problem): "Why did Heavenly Father have to make ants on the Earth?" (Summer 2008)

Claire: "I want to be a cowgirl and a mama when I grow up, and I will have 6 babies and they will all be girls." (2008)

Claire (smiling): "Mom, I can't stand it, I'm so NERVOUS for Christmas" I asked why she was "nervous" and she explains how she can't wait to see what Santa brings for her. I finally figured out that she meant excited not nervous and couldn't wait for Chritmas . (Winter 2007)